Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

Three years ago today, you entered our lives - five weeks too early and weighing only 4 lbs 11 oz. We didn't know then that at age three, you would be a happy, smart, beautiful little girl. I love how you know what you want. I love how passionate you are about "your guys" (play animals). And I love how you adore your big sister. I love your smile, I love your eyes, and I love your curly hair.

Hope you had a wonderful birthday.
Happy Birthday Big Girl!!
Momma loves you so much.

Hitting the Road

The anticipation is stressful. I'm up at 5:30am (without an alarm clock) for the second day in a row (and the weekend, no less). We leave for California on Friday. My MIL will be staying at our house with the girls. And I'm trying to set up some sleepovers. Friends will be entertaining them with trips to places with video games and bumper cars. Distraction is the key.

We told Sydney that we were going to a hospital that is far from home and that we would be gone for a while. She's totally okay with it. She excited to have sleepovers with her friends. We haven't told Layne. We're afraid that she will stress over it until we leave. I think we'll wait until a couple days before we leave. I just want her to enjoy her time with us this week (school is out for the week).

Jess and I were discussing the road trip yesterday. What time should we leave, how far should we go the first day, where will we stay? Then it came time to decide - if we leave really early, should we wake the girls to say goodbye, or should we let them sleep (and say goodbye the night before). I started crying. I couldn't help it. I KNOW that Sydney will be okay. She's just an easy going kid, she adapts to her environment, she thrives in unfamiliar situations. I KNOW she will be okay. It's Layne I worry about. She's independent ... well, she likes to do things on her own, she likes to make her own decisions. But when it comes to me, to "Momma", she's very attached. She says, a lot, "I wan you". Translation: "I want to sit on your lap." or "I want to be near you." or "I want to crawl back into your womb." She likes to be with me, what can I say. And this will be both our downfalls.

We polled our friends and everyone has a different opinion. Fact of the matter is, is that it's going to be hard no matter when we say our goodbyes. This is not something that we can prepare for - ourselves or the girls. It's a difficult situation but trying to figure out "the best way" feels like deciding which is the lesser of the two evils. Trying to determine which is best is impossible.

Life as Usual ... Sorta

Well ... not really. Life hasn't really been normal for two months now. But life *does* go on. To read my blog, and then read my wife's blog, it doesn't seem like it's the same household. It's quite obvious that our perspectives through all of this are quite different. Mine has been to keep life as normal as possible for the girls - and hey, for myself, too. But Jess has been seeing the world in a totally different light - now the patient, now staring at the ceiling most of the day. While I spend most of my time distracted with routines, Jess has plenty of time to dwell on things like failed procedures, blood patches that didn't completely work, and doctors that are thousands of miles away. So it's no wonder we write about different things on our blogs. Not to mention that her perspective is so incredibly unique, I prefer her updates to mine (as do our readers, I think).

So while I write about pumpkin muffins and chicken pot pie, she writes about myelograms and blood patches. Quite the dichotomy - yet, the same family and same everyday lives. Just doesn't seem right.

Anyway, Jess posted to her blog today. So if you came here looking for an update, take a jaunt over there instead. She explains it with much more elegance that I do.

Conversation Wednesday

This one needs a little background information. My mom made Sydney a hooded towel and embroidered her name on it. She's had this towel for years now (I think she got it when she was 3 or 4 years old). Layne pines for the towel at bath time, even though she has her own hooded towel. But it doesn't have her name on it, so it's just not the same thing. She told me that she wanted to ask Grama to make her a towel with her name on it. My mom laughed when I told her.

On to the story. Sydney and Layne were watching Little Einsteins Christmas episode (I know, I know!). Each Little Einstein received a "wish box".

Me: "Layne, what would you wish for to be in your wish box?"
Layne: "A towel wis my name on it."

The child has a memory like an elephant!

Mom, are you reading this?

I AM the Baker!

Aside from my chicken pot pie, I made a pretty shepherd's pie and a nice chicken & rice casserole. But a few nights ago, I tried a chicken & sweet potato stew (wanting to use the sweet potatoes we've had sitting around). I failed miserably! It smelled really good, but once on the plate, it was terrible. I salvaged the chicken, and quickly nuked some veggies and left-over pasta. So the meal wasn't a total loss. But next time I decide to google a recipe for the ingredients that I have on hand, I'll follow the recipe a bit more closely.

When it comes to baking, I LOVE it! I like to experiment with recipes - and usually they come out really good. So I'll just stick to the baking. Here is my latest:

I gutted two small pumpkins, cut them up (skins on) ...



... and threw them in the oven. Baked them until soft (have no idea how long). When it was soft, I just scooped the pumpkin meat off the skin.



In the meantime, I cleaned all the seeds ...



... seasoned and roasted.



Then I went searching for a recipe in which to use all that pumpkin. I found a recipe in a Cookie Light cookbook (not purposely a "light" recipe, but it was the only one that didn't call for "a can of pumpkin". I wanted to be able to measure it out). I added chopped pecans, and voila!!

Oh Yum!!

Conversation Wednesday

Sydney talks all the time about how she is a carnivore - you know, like the T-rex or other meat-eating dinosaurs. And she definitely prefers the meat on the plate over any veggies. Layne, on the other hand, is the exact opposite (surprise, surprise!) - eats every veggie and leaves the meat. And Sydney always makes a point to tell Layne that she is not a carnivore; that she is a vegetarian. Layne HATES that!

Sydney: "I'm a carnivore and Layne is a vegetarian."
Layne: "I'mot a begetarian!"
Sydney: "Yes, Layne, you like veggies, so you are a vegetarian."
Layne: "I'mot a begetarian! I'm a tarnibore ike you, Bahbah! I'mot a begetarian!"

I'm Not the Cook

In the last month, we've been the recipient of many a meal. Dinners just seem to show up in our fridge, and lunches just appear on the counter. This is more appreciated than most people will ever know because I'm not the cook of the family - that would be Jess. It's not that I can't cook, it's that I don't like to. So in the past, when I've had to be the one to cook, we eat things like macaroni and cheese, scrambled eggs, and turkey sandwiches. But once it was realized that I would have to do the cooking, I tried to start getting creative. I like fast compact meals that don't take a long time to prep and don't have a lot of components. And those types of meals usually include mac & cheese, scrambled eggs, and turkey sandwiches.

Well, we can't eat those meals for the long haul, so I had to get the ideas flowing. My MIL mentioned that she'd made a chicken pot pie, so Jess and I put our heads together and came up with a makeshift recipe. And I. Made. Chicken. Pot. Pie! But I cheated ... big time!

First the crust (pre-made, rolled, and cut), then the chicken (okay, so I did cook and cut-up the chicken), and veggies (frozen) ...



... then the cream of chicken soup (from a can) ...



... then the crust (again, pre-made, rolled, and cut) ...



... and baked in the oven.

It was a hit, and it was yummy!!

And So It Goes

[Okay, so who's singing Billy Joel's song now? Even though the words to his song do not pertain to our life, the title itself seems quite fitting.]

And so goes the leak, and so goes the procedure(s), and so goes the bed rest.

If you read my wife's blog, then you have an idea of what is happening. She left off after the subtraction myelogram and before the cervical anterior blood patch. And because she is unable to type at the moment, I will attempt to update the situation for her.

Yesterday, we arrived at U.AMS bright and early and got started in pre-op for the blood patch. After they got her all ready, I was escorted to the waiting room as she was wheeled into the procedure room. It took about an hour and they came to get me when she was back in recovery. The procedure went off without a hitch.

Later on, Jess received a call from Dr. VH. (Let me see if I can get this right ...) He told her that they injected dye along with the blood and took images to see if the blood settled over the leaks. He felt confident that that was the case. Very good news! But he also felt that this one blood patch probably wouldn't do the trick. But that if we keep getting results like this, Jess may be able to avoid surgery. Good news again!

We'll know more in a few days. In the meantime, Jess has very strict instructions to keep her neck immobilized and for her to lay flat, at least for 24-48 hours. She can get up to use the bathroom, but she can't shower until tomorrow. And then regular bed rest for the remainder of the week. Everyone is hoping that, by then, Dr. S from LA will have contacted the team with his consult.

Until then, we stay the course we've been on for a month now ... and so it goes.

Not the Talker Lately

But my wife is.

Oh Yeah! Uh huh!

Today was Parent/Teacher Conferences. I had a 15-minute talk with Sydney's teacher and one with Layne's. Both girls are doing just great in school. Sydney seems to be having an easier time with 2nd grade than she did with 1st grade (not that she did bad in 1st grade, she did fine, but it seems to come a little easier now).

Here is Sydney's report card. She got straight A's! And she made the Honor Roll. (Notice the range for the letter grades - at her school, an A is 100-94% not 100-90%. She missed several A's because of that while she was in the 1st grade. So we're extra proud this year.)

Layne's report card is a little different. Hers was a three page list, with corresponding diagrams, of all the areas of which she is graded. Her class is graded with A (Almost Always), E (Emerging), and N (Needs Attention). There are 27 areas that are graded, and graded as such (so cute!):

I take care of my personal needs
I relax and rest at nap time
I care for toys and school materials
I show fine visual-motor coordination
I show gross motor coordination
I march and move to music
I participate in group activities
I can sing the ABC song
I can name four basic shapes
I listen and follow directions
I speak in complete sentences
I know my colors
I follow school rules and proceures
I share and play cooperatively
I indicate positive feelings about myself
I sing familiar songs and rhymes
I use tools and materials
I draw, paint, and color pictures
I use outdoor play equipment
I am interested in stories and books
I am curious about my environment
I can associate related items
I sit in my chair and eat lunch properly
I comprehend concepts
I sit well during structured activities - class, music, story time
I can count to 10
I can cooperate

She got straight A's too! I'm one proud Momma!

And while I'm on the subject of school, here are their school pictures (each is a picture of a picture, so pardon the crappy resolution).

Sydney, the 2nd Grader



Layne, the 2½-year old class-er

October Activities, Part III

And the last of the October activities, and absolutely the most important, is Sydney's birthday. My sweet little girl turned 7 years old yesterday. How did THAT happen? She's such a big girl now, in the second grade, reading chapter books, chasing boys, and doing more for herself. I love that she loves dinosaurs and can tell you anything about any one. I love that she loves fairies. I love that she prefers to watch World World (on PBS) instead of Hannah Montana. And I love when she makes her sister laugh.

She had a great party at Jump Zone, and we got her the perfect cake. Here are the pictures to prove it.

The cake was perfect - Sydney was in love.



I love that she looks like she smiling for the camera.





Laynie going for a ride down the slide.



Can't go bouncing with shoes on.



Sydney and her buddy bouncing.



The head was made with styrofoam, and then there was two tiers of three layer chocolate cake with butter cream frosting. The whole thing was covered with fondant and then modeling chocolate. The legs and tail were anchored by PVC pipe which was screwed to the floor board. Whew! What a cake!



The red one - Spike Red - is Sydney's gift from Momma & Mommy. She got the green one for her birthday last year.



So the two had a play date.



Sydney's invitation.
On the bottom "Sydney is participating in Change Angels for Arkansas Children's Hospital - As a Change Angel, Sydney is asking her guests to bring coins (rolled or unrolled) in lieu of gifts to help her raise money for the sick and injured kids at Arkansas Children's Hospital."
I'm so proud of my girl - it was her idea, it was her doing. She loves this charity.

Happy Birthday Big Girl!!

October Activities, Part II

First of all, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BIG GIRL, SYDNEY!!! She is 7 years old today - how did THAT happen? We have a big day planned, and the birthday is always a part of our October activities.

So to continue on with the story ... A few hours after we visited the pumpkin patch, we decided to go to Boo at the Zoo. The girls got dressed in their Halloween costumes and grabbed something to collect their goodies.

Waiting to get in to the zoo.



Laynie NOT wanting to have her picture taken.



Sydney loves her Pink Dragon costume.



Laynie wanted to be the Easter bunny - not just any bunny, the Easter bunny. Notice the Easter basket (inside of which are Easter eggs!).



Decorations at Boo at the Zoo. The kids love the huge spider.







Laynie counts and sorts her lollipops.



The loot mixed up with the Easter eggs.

To be continued ... Part III will be the pictures that I'll take today at the birthday party.

October Activities, Part I

Even though we left "Mommy" on the couch at home, we did a few of the activities that we do as Halloween approaches - the pumpkin patch and Boo at the Zoo. On Saturday, after Layne attended her very first birthday party (one that *she* was invited to, not one that she tagged along with big sister), we went to the pumpkin patch. Sydney was suppose to go on a field trip with her class to the pumpkin patch. But with all the rain that we've had here in Central Arkansas, the field trip was canceled. So I took both girls and took advantage of opportunity to take a bunch of pictures.

I started snapping pictures as soon as we got there, and as soon as we got there, the girls got sick of me taking pictures.



Waiting for the hay ride to start.



Along the hay ride.



Because of the rain, the actual pumpkin plants were under water.





In the hay bail maze.



Sydney figuring it all out ...



... and Layne getting lost.



Eventually, they made it out.



And then off to get their faces painted.



A ghost for Sydney ...





... and an ice cream cone for Layne.



One more trip through the maze.



Off to pick a pumpkin.



Because the patch was under water, there were a few piles of pumpkins from which to pick.



We picked a couple small ones because we've already carved our big pumpkins.



On last picture on our way out.

To be continued ... Part II is about our trip to Boo at the Zoo.

Tomorrow

Jess had an MRI yesterday. The results were inconclusive, equivocal, indecisive, whatever. It just means the test didn't give us any answers. So the doc decided to go ahead with a blood patch in the hopes that it will decrease the leakage even more. See, even though the first blood patch decreased the leakage dramatically, it didn't decrease it enough to be able to visualize the precise location of the leak. And if they can't find the leak, they can't fix it.

So blood patch #2 is scheduled for tomorrow morning and myelogram #4 is scheduled for Monday.

And still the unknown remains.

I don’t really know where to begin

I know I haven’t blogged in a while. That’s because Jess is still on bed rest. And I’m not really sure why, but it seems like I barely get a minute to sit down - never mind blog, update my Facebook status, or even read email. I’m used to caring for the girls by myself – the life of a doctor’s wife (at least while she’s still in her fellowship and having to supplement income with extra moonlighting shifts), but with her home, it’s almost like I have another child to take care of – I clean up her messes, I make her meals, I run her errands, etc. Between that and the “usual” with the girls, it’s been exhausting.

Yesterday … well, let me back up a little. Last week, Jess and all her doctors decided to hold off on the second blood patch, which they thought they would do last Monday. They decided to do another week of bed rest and see what happened. She seemed to do better with each day, but then last Wednesday, she over-did it: she sat reclined for a couple hours while she studied and then (while I was on the phone with the customer service call from hell), she put Layne to bed and filled the tub for Sydney’s bath. The headache came back. And as usual, when she lay back down, they subsided (mostly). She made the phone calls on Thursday that would set into motion all the appointments, orders, and procedures that would gain her another blood patch … yesterday (or so we thought). They did another myelogram to see if they could determine the actual location of the leak (so as to better place the blood patch). But when the results were examined, they decided to hold off on the blood patch. Apparently, there are other leaks – and in a different area of the spinal column that they had originally thought. The leakage was “dramatically” (as described by the neuroradiologist) decreased, which was definitely a good sign. It allowed him to see the other leaks. So he wants to do an MRI to see if he can get a better look at the other areas of her spinal column.

It is unknown, at this point, the extent of the injury/defect/damage (whatever the hell you want to call it). It is unknown whether or not it will be repaired with another blood patch or with surgery. It is STILL unknown, and probably will remain as such, what the CAUSE of all this is. It is the unknown that is killing me.

Hopefully, today will bring today us some answers.

And if all that wasn’t enough, if you’ve been following my side bar, then you know that I got a negative blood pregnancy test last week. At this point, I just want the hormones to leave my body so that I can stop being a blubbering mess. It’s been a week since I stopped the progesterone shots (and AF arrived with a vengeance ). So I’m crying less, but with everything that’s going on with Jess, it’s been hard to keep my composure.

Everyone is saying all the right things: “Maybe God is telling you to slow down.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “God only gives you what you can handle.” Right, I know. And I’ve been trying really hard to believe all of it, because up until now, I DID believe all of it. In fact, I used those very words to comfort others. But it’s different when you’re the one hearing the words, not saying them. I used to think I was a strong person, not as in a strong personality, but as in emotionally – I can handle things with grace and logic. And all that has gone out the window. Seems the only time I’m able to be strong is when the girls are around.

One thing I have learned through all of this is that we have some really really really great family and friends. Neither Jess nor I have much family that live close to us. Jess’s mom helps out with the girls when she can (which is a lot). And my family has given me great emotional support (which has been just as important as physically helping out). I get emails everyday (that I can barely respond to) from friends asking if there is anything they can do for us. Many have made meals (which is definitely a plus since I don’t cook), many have watched the girls, many have just stopped by for a visit, and many, who don’t live close, have sent their support in emails/comments. We knew we were blessed with our family and friends, but this just proved it. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

I’ll try to keep the blog updated. We go today for the MRI. Praying for good news, praying for a fix, praying for a break.